people who got my back

Mom n dad. You guys did amazing. You got the best kindhearted child one can ask for. i thank you for raising them well. Each of them grew up becOming generous human being. Awhh.

Them. my brothers. my sisters. always there when i am in need.

Like a candle. like stars. Shining bright through out the darkness.

Thank you ummi ayah. For letting me have them in my life.

They inspired me to be kind just like them to other people.

I kinda got it when mom say ' ummi kenal anak ummi. Ummi tahu anak ummi '

Someday i am gonna repay their kindness.

Insyaa allah.

As for now i shall make more and more dua for them.

May Allah keep them happy forever.
Keep them safe forever.

Aamiin.

beyond grateful

All praises only to Allah AlRahman AlRahim.
Everything was ease for me. Every single one i met today has being kind hearted and thoughtful. I am so thankful for Allah sending me these strangers to help me in a very meaningful way.. it was nothing much for me going out alone stocking up my monthly necessity. Ofcourse every gentlemen couldn't sit still and lending their arm helping me the helpless alone and maybe its look fragile to them.. I mean.. a girl.. alone.. struggling w cart full of groceries.. No husband no brother no men no sister are there helping.. It's not a big deal for me actually.. I've been witnessing many husband or men letting their women doing the hard works w out even helping.. I mean i grew up seeing the women close to me managing all hard stuffs alone by themselves because of those irresponsible, ignorant, hopeless men who can stand watching all of these w out offering help or atleast comfort words or valid reasons to not doing so.

Oops chill darling haha nothing much it's just
me being hormonal emotional again.. It's time of the month..

yeah you know... the normal considerate people will naturally come to think of the husband or yeah anyone who should be there... they will think that girl should not be doing all those thing by herself.. well then i will also hope and pray that soon when i have husband or partner, he will be like among those genlemen whom being helping me in their own way.. Also i hope i will be as kind and thoughtful as those sister whom being helping me too..

Ahhhh the point is today i've being receiving lots of help from these lovely people who help me regardless of the fact that w do not know each other.. I do hope  all people will do some small act of kindness everywhere everytime as it heals and help in the way you will never imagine..

Also. I am thankful for ayah for every single thing i purchased today because of he doing his responsibility as a father supporting me financially.. taking care of my foods and clothes since i was a baby... I can't never thank him enough.. i pray Allah will bless him w lots of love for all his good deeds to us,his children..

My grammar is everywhere just like my mind.. It's everywhere i don't know where...

I better stop now my entry getting weird.

Haha.

Bye.

Thanks Allah.

Wed,20 Sept 2017
00:53

Sleep please come to me baby

Geez i've been trying to sleep since 1am and guess what now it's already 3.30am huahuahua it  looks like that beauty sleep just won't come to me. Oh come on i gotta work tomorrow and it's my first day working okay and i better not spoil it by not being punctual or being tired because lack of sleep or being crancky/moody because of unstable hormones caused by restless body etc.
I expect myself will be as motivated as today. Those quite impressive first impression i presented to my employee during the interview just now oh wow that's unbelieveable i must say cause it's been a while since i last dealing or communicate or socialising with people you know i was in my hibernate mode for quite sometimes after the college. Hihi. Now i challenge my dear self to maintain and put consistency to that good first impression till forever and ever. Just because yeahh i admit that in my life i always quite a champion lol when it comes to build the good impression to the new circles of people.. but then i don't really has good history maintaining my good reputation/character/upbringing to the end of our togetherness.. ihiks.. i remember how i always intentionally break it for many reasons..
Hihi.. nahh past is past.. that's not where i belongs to.. i learnt my lessons.. i shall do better day by day.. cheers everybody.. okay now it's 4am.. phew.. pray for me.. ahh may everything goes smooth tomorrow.. as smooth as today.. oh my oh my oh my today was lit.. i can't thanks Allah enough for helping me out today.. super smooth.. ohh masyaallah.. it's just amaaaazing..
Praise be to Allah The Merciful.

Yasss it's now 5.30am..  and yes i didn't fall asleep at all. Yup awesome. I guess i'm too awake to sleep yeah so much thing happened today it feels surreal. It's gonna be different from now on i shall prepare myself for the life changing. I'm still over the moon. Hiks. I need to constantly remind myself to keep it moderate. Do not let the feelings overwhelmed myself. Yeahh i need to act wise. Think smart. Stay positive. positive

Baby driver was lit

Yass. Movie night checked. Thanks to my bestie. Show time was at 10 30 pm. We came into the cinema hall a bit late. Went to toilet first thing first haha. And then the advertisement still played on the screen so we got some times to calm down from the rush since my partner hated it the most if the movie already started even before we got into our seat. Lol. And then the first 30 mins this annoying one just played w the phone not even concentrate on the movie at all sigh. What a spoiler. Yeah the overall it was good in action, romance and also suspens. Just the way i like it. Except for lovey dovey scene yeah you know its awkward. Umm humm.. it was a good night. Till meet again.

Funnn

Here at setapak central mall for the first time ever. And it's lit wohoo. Many main outlet. Most important is the foodcourt which here they named as foodstreet. Various food yeah. I tried pecal lele and it's ok ok. As usual i cannot tolerate w drinks price muahaha omo omo i paid 5.30 for a glass of milo dinosaur whattt.. no more drinks outside ok.. only plain water..  i loveee the arrangement the mood and everything there yeah defo will come again. and thennn next must stop outlet as usual the bookstore maynn. Popular bookstore. Wandered around and then ( ohh haha the chair sounds became louder hahhaa i had to stop sitting here w out paying a cents yeah rite.. yeahh fine. ) oh yea i wandered around popular bookstore. Sneak peek some books. Tried out all of headphone trial. Wohoo it's cool. I love the sony gear one. It has deep bass. So cool. Price around rm50. Gonna get  one sooner. Green one of course.
Ahh what else. I sat on the floor reading thus parenting book called 3 crayon 3 paper and bla bla bla cannot recall the exact title. It is super duper cool book. It took me bout an hour reading this potty train part hahha. And i miss my boy ammar and also his lil sister of course.. hehe gonna call them  later..  mmm and then here i am now in the family game centre where they has all sorts of game to release stress lolol this one uncle playing drum so intensely it made me laugh haha working all day  must be so hard on you rite..  im looking for a place where i can sit and just chill and ended up here.  It is loud.. yes.. and it also fun.  All laughing.. all cheering.. heheh i might wanna try the car race it looks fun tho.. yass let's give a try..

stranger caused sad tears

"You macam sedih je? Moment tu."

and like a broken dam pouring the water causing flood, my eyes bursts into tears. full of sadness. sounds so deep. unstoppable. cried w full of sorrow. i just let em out as much as i want. with all my heart. without tryin to stop. just let myself drown into the feeling. cause i know. i've been holding on for so long. lifeless. emotionless. i've been ignoring the sadness tryin to knock on the door of my heart. i've been acting strong.. as if im not at all affected bout everything happen recently. all scattered. messed up for a countless time. no one know. how i feel. no one ask if im okay. me neither. cause i kept telling myself that im ok. and whenever i felt like im not, i said i'm gonna be ok sooner or later.

when this stranger throw those question to me.. ohh i just realised.. . it's been awhile since i receives that kinda question. like whoever cares enough to ask if im ok or not. and afterall, that's how i prefer. much better. at such times, i need space for myself more than i need people throwing symphaty. it always took a right person at a right time asking a right question. on point.

and i answered the cliche..

"biasalah dah besar. pujuk dri sndri. im ok"

being nice, he said i can count on him, share if there's problem, eventho we donno each other..

as usual, i found myself closer to a stranger who do not know anything bout me. nothing is there to judge on me but my true self. we can speak freely. no barrier. no judgement. only pure opinions. just like what i need.

i would never opted to pour my story, probs or anything meaningful to people who close to me like friends or family as how it is supposed to be.. just because.. i realised that i  need someone to lend me their shoulder to cry on, their ears to listen evrything that burden me, not necessarily their mouth to reply saying i should not do this and that, i should be like this and that, put the blame on me when i've had realised it enough. i know. i know. i don't need you to tell me that. just hear me out w out judging my mistakes. since i always found myself learnt something from experiences, not from your belief nor advices. it is always my bad for cannot tolerate on those small flaw of people. no one is perfect. we're all not perfect. full of flaws. and that's what makes us human.
just make a better mistakes tomorrow.

P/S: i'm on my period. just being hormonal. no worry. Im ok. hakuna matata.

3:32am